


burning words

by DesertLily



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Falling In Love, Hurt No Comfort, Junoverse | Juno Steel Universe, Look it's Juno being Juno, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Juno Steel, Reflection, Sad Ending, Season/Series 01, Self-Destruction, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29497560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Since the day he was born, the name 'Peter Nureyev' had been firmly written on the inside of Juno Steel's arm. He hadn't had any intentions of trying to ever find the man. That is, of course, until fate doesn't give him a choice
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	burning words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bisexualoftheblade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualoftheblade/gifts).



> A gift for a friend!

If someone asked Juno Steel what he thought of soulmates, he’d probably just roll his eyes and claim it was a load of bullshit. He had never understood the obsession with it. Just because some people were born with a stranger’s name marked on their body didn’t mean that they had to revolve their entire lives around it. Because he had no idea who Peter Nureyev was and he sure as hell never wanted to find out. Because he had seen how much having a soulmark could make someone fall apart.

His mother’s soulmark had been a tragically generic name and one that consumed her after she lost her job at Northstar. She hadn’t found him before she made the decision to have Juno and Benzaiten, and she certainly didn’t find him after. But seeing what it did to; seeing what  _ life _ did to her...Juno vowed to never become that. 

So he gave very little thought to Peter Nureyev and the concept of soulmates for a long time. He wasn’t exactly the first person to ignore a soulmark and he wouldn’t be the last. That had been how Juno met Diamond. Neither of them cared for the names on their arms and both of them cared for each other. He was happy with them. Surely that was proof enough to the universe that he didn’t need Peter Nureyev! He was going to marry Diamond and get his own happy ending without letting the universe dictate it! 

But, like every aspect of Juno Steel’s life, it didn’t go to plan. Why would it? 

What Diamond had forgotten to tell their dear fiance was that she  _ had _ met her soulmate - several times in fact! And the day before their wedding - what was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives! - they left. They ran off with their soulmate and left Juno behind without a second thought. Juno was fairly certain that if there was any sort of real deity out there then they were laughing at him. 

Juno really didn’t give much thought to relationships after that. He didn’t need to. He devoted himself to his work and the only person in his life worth a damn. Rita. Rita, his secretary. Rita, his best friend. Rita,  _ who still refused to tell Juno her soulmate _ . Whilst Rita was one of the lucky few born without a soulmark, it didn’t stop her from romanticising the idea and everything it was supposed to mean. 

Juno had probably heard her talk about one hundred and one different streams about true love and the dramatic things people would do in the name of finding their soulmate! She had forced Juno to watch a few with her before and  _ sure, they weren’t all bad _ but that...that wasn’t the life he wanted for himself. He wouldn’t go looking under every rock and stone for even the smallest hint of finding someone called Peter Nureyev.  _ Especially _ considering how much Rita had been asking about his soulmark once he admitted to having one. Not that he’d told her the name, of course. Not that he;d told  _ anyone _ the name. It was his best kept secret. 

Rex Glass was going to be Juno’s proof that the soulmark was bullshit. The two had just...clicked from the moment they met. As insufferable as Glass was at times, they seemed to fit together well. There was a spark that Juno wouldn’t entirely be opposed to growing into a flame. But of course, things couldn’t be that simple. Because Rex Glass wasn’t real. Not even remotely. He was an alias from a thief set on stealing much more than just Juno’s heart. But it was also the name of a thief that had given Juno an offer that would go on to haunt him; an offer of exploring the universe and leaving Mars behind. 

Juno wouldn’t deny that it was tempting. The prospect of just running away with some handsome stranger...But he wasn’t an idiot. He couldn’t just drop everything like that. Juno wasn’t optimistic enough to accept that offer. So he stood aside as ‘Rex Glass’ was arrested and his blood ran cold when he read the note left behind. More specifically;  _ when he read the name on the note left behind _ . Because there in neat handwriting read ‘Peter Nureyev’.

The man that had captured his heart in an instance was his soulmate and it made Juno feel sick. It had been so, so long yet his soulmark still had the ability to dictate his emotions and he...he wasn’t entirely sure he was against it. Not if Nureyev was like this...No. What was he thinking?! His soulmate was some thief and criminal. That...That was the exact opposite of someone Juno wanted to be with!    
  
So he tried to scrub the memory of Peter Nureyev from his mind, certain that they wouldn’t meet again. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t free himself from the smell of Nureyev’s cologne. He couldn’t free himself from Nureyev’s smile. He couldn’t free himself from Nureyev’s kiss. It became like a ghost haunting over him even if he would insist otherwise. 

But he tried to move on with his life; to just keep going. He liked to pretend it worked. Like his next cause. Dealing with the Prince of Mars and Saffron pharmaceuticals in general had been an...experience. But it wasn’t the memory of once more dealing with Julian DiMaggio that stuck with. Quite frankly, he would much prefer to just forget DiMaggio all together. It was Alessandra Strong. Juno had never quite met anyone like her before. She was  _ enchanting _ and she seemed to understand him. At least, she understood who he wanted to be. 

If he thought about it, Juno could see a future with Alessandra. Perhaps it wouldn’t be perfect but he’d take just about anyone over Nureyev and  _ God _ , he really needed to stop letting Rita trick him into watching romance streams with her. 

But Strong had stuck by him during the case. Hell, she had even come to check on him in hospital after he’d made the dumb decision to swallow the Martian pill. Then she kissed him and any budding romance shattered. Because it wasn’t Alessandra Strong’s lips he imagined against his own. It was Peter Nureyev’s.  _ It was still Peter Nureyev _ ’s No matter what Juno did, it always came back to him. 

The only day he seemed to be free of thoughts about Nureyev was the day in Oldtown; the day he was reunited with Sasha and Mick, and the three were forced to go through their biggest mistake all in the name of Sasha’s fucking  _ promotion _ . Juno didn’t know much about Dark Matter but he knew in that moment that he  _ despised _ them entirely. He had enough self-loathing and an overwhelming amount of childhood trauma without having to think back to the disappearance of Annie Wire. Then...Then Mick had all but asked Juno to just keep living and he really didn’t know what to think about it. 

At least he had a new mystery to fixate on now;  _ whatever the hell was going on with all these Martian artefacts _ . He needed information and fast so he turned to a...questionable source. Valles Vicky. Her information and contacts were always sound but they never came free. So Juno found himself stuck in the middle of the world’s messiest breakup. But all’s well that ends well, right? Vicky was alive and apparently set up a meeting between Juno and her contact about ancient Martian antiquities. 

What Vicky failed to mention was that her contact was  _ Peter fucking Nureyev _ and Juno had no idea how he was supposed to feel about it. The more emotional part of him was beyond glad to see Nureyev again, the more logical part just wanted to be rid of him for good. But Juno needed to follow this lead and if this was the only person that could help? He’d deal with his so-called soulmate once again. 

There was absolutely no way whatsoever that Juno liked the prospect of playing the part of Dahlia Rose, the wife of Nureyev’s current alias Duke Rose. There wasn’t a single part of the role that left Juno feeling giddy. He did  _ not _ enjoy the illusion of being close to Nureyev in any way. This was just for business. That’s all. Just business. Two professionals working together - even if one of said individuals was a thief. 

Their interests were...mostly aligned. Nureyev wanted to steal the Martian weapon from underneath the nose of his former employer and Juno just wanted to understand what the hell was going on. The weapon would be the last puzzle piece in whatever jigsaw he’d found himself putting together. It was also the first term Juno truly understood whatever was going on with the Martian pill he’d swallowed. 

Supposedly, he now had the ability to read moments with the mild cost of his eye randomly bleeding. Not exactly ideal but the skill was useful. It stopped Nureyev being cheated out of his name in a game of Rangian street poker (even if Juno was adamant about not entirely understanding how the game worked), and it stopped an assassin intending on killing them in their sleep. So it had a few perks. 

Starting the day by stealing an infamous getaway vehicle and then robbing an unstoppable train with your soulmate really wasn’t how Juno had expected any day in his life to go. But he...mostly adapted. He definitely wasn’t internally screaming the entire time, but it had been  _ exciting _ in its own way. Because he was with Peter Nureyev and, for some reason, that made Juno feel unstoppable. 

As it turns out, neither of them were unstoppable. 

Nureyev’s previous employer had caught word of the heist and Miasama wasn’t someone known for her concept of mercy. Juno could only truly remember snippets after that. Every day seemed to blur together as he was forced through experiment after experiment; read Nureyev’s mind and report the results to Miasama. He was supposed to force himself to go further and deeper every single time and it  _ hurt _ . It hurt more and more every time and left Juno feeling more exhausted than he ever had in his life.

Nureyev was there with him in their cell every night, whispering soft promises to Juno as he carded his fingers through their hair. But no matter how many sweet words Peter Nureyev told him, it wouldn’t change their situation. It wouldn’t magically free them. 

The worst day was when Miasama forced Juno to go into the deeper parts of Nureyev’s mind; to see things he had no right seeing. He did  _ not _ want to know everything he saw. It felt too vulnerable and personal. God knows what he’d do if someone forced their way into his memories and forced their way to the moments that affected him the most and truly defined who Juno Steel was. 

In Nureyev’s memories, Juno caught sight of something on his arm. The memory never looked closely enough to make out the name but  _ Peter Nureyev had a soulmark _ . Part of him knew what name it said and the other part of him wished it said anything else. 

That was also the night Nureyev opened up to him and allowed him to truly look into his past. Juno saw so much and honestly? He wasn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t sure he wanted to think too hard about why he’d been trusted with that information - not that the ungodly pain that came afterwards gave Juno much time to think on anything. It also gave Nureyev the chance to escape with a promise to come back for Juno. 

Things grew even more of a blur after that as Miasama grew practically obsessive with her tests until...until she had no more use of Juno Steel. Her goons were poised to kill and for the first time in a long time, Juno really wanted to live. He closed his eyes and waited for a death that never came. Instead, Nureyev had come back for him.  _ He’d had the chance to escape but he had still come back _ . They tried to make their escape after that with ‘tried’ being the optimal word. 

Things got messy after that. More messy than any other situation he had ever been in before. No other situation had made Juno so definitive about the fact he wouldn’t survive. Miasama had a weapon that could destroy all of Mars and Juno was one of only two people standing in her way. But only one person was really needed to stop her. 

Juno glanced at where he knew a name was firmly situated on his arm before making his decision. He pushed Peter Nureyev out of the door and sealed it. He thought back to those soulmate streams Rita had made him watch.  _ Huh _ . Love really did make you do stupid shit, didn’t it? 

But if this was going to be the end of Juno Steel then he needed to be open with Nureyev. He did his best to ignore Nureyev’s banging and pleading against the door as he began to speak what he was certain would be his final words. He knew he needed to make them good. So Juno began with his reasoning - Nureyev deserved to know that at least. Then...Then things got a little bit more personal.

“ _ Mind if I let you in on a little secret, Nureyev? _ ” Juno took a deep breath, certain it would have been one of his last. “ _ You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Wow, that’s a load off. And it’s true! You make me feel...like maybe it’s all worth it. Like maybe there’s something out there worth seeing. _ ” He ignored Nureyev’s responses. He had to. He...He couldn’t do this if he listened to him. He’d break. “ _ Ever since that night I tried to turn you in, I’ve been thinking about that - the adventures we were talking about, the bouncing from star to star, leaving this dump behind and seeing what the galaxy’s got to offer. _ ” Because he had, hadn’t he? Juno had imagined every kind of future with Peter Nureyev. 

He glanced over at the bomb. Juno didn’t understand Martian but he knew he was running out of time. This...This was going to be it. “ _ I wish we got the chance to do that, Nureyev. If I’ve got one regret, it’s that _ . I-I never gave much thought to all that soulmate stuff. Never thought it was worth shit but then...then I met you. And now I understand how one person can change you so much about you, and make you someone you never thought you had the possibility of meeting. I’m glad I met you, Nureyev. More glad than I’ve been about meeting anyone else in my entire life.” 

He looked at the door for one final moment. “ _ It’s been nice knowing you, Nureyev. It’s been a gift. I...don’t deserve. _ ” Then Juno turned his back to Peter Nureyev for what he believed to be the final time and turned to deal with Miasama. Then the bomb went off and Juno embraced his death. 

At least, he did until he woke up in a hospital bed a few days later with Peter Nureyev sitting at his side. It turned out the weapon was one meant for Martian destruction. It wasn’t built to destroy human DNA. That wasn’t to say the explosion didn’t but Juno through hell - because it did!- but it didn’t destroy him. Not like it did Miasama. After everything she’d done to turn herself into a perfect Martian and plan out her perfect world, it seemed like she hadn’t entirely figured out  _ all _ the details of her plan. Honestly? Juno had never been more glad to be alive. 

The next few weeks were...rough. Not even the smallest part of Juno’s right eye had been salvageable. But hey! At least he got an eyepatch out of it! That was kinda cool...Right? His recovery was slow, but Nureyev was with him almost every step of the way. 

The only time he wasn’t was when Rita showed up, demanding to check on Juno and make sure he wasn’t at risk of dying any time soon. It made his heart hurt. He’d been thinking about his almost final words a lot, and Juno knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to go with Nureyev and explore the stars. Even if that would mean leaving Rita behind. But Rita was tough. His name may have been steel but she was made of it. She’d be fine. 

So when Juno left the hospital, his mind was set. Nureyev helped him plan out preparations without a moment of hesitation. Juno was going to leave Mars with his soulmate and he was going to be happy for the first time in a long time. He deserved it. 

The night he spent with Peter was unlike any he had ever experienced in his life. It also gave him the chance to finally see the soulmark that had been hidden for so long.  _ Juno Steel _ . A perfect match. Because he loved Nureyev and Nureyev loved him. Even without the soulmarks, Nureyev saw him for the lady he really was yet loved him all the same. Everything was perfect. Everything was going just as he wanted to. 

Then Juno did what he always did before he made his biggest mistakes. 

He began to think. 

There would be a cost if he left Mars. Any good he could do in Hyperion City, any people he could help...He would lose the chance to help them. Perhaps it was his self-destructive tendencies coming back full force but he realised that no matter how in love he was, it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough. 

Because Juno had been right from the start about soulmarks. He couldn’t let a single piece of writing on his arm dictate his life. No matter how much he wanted. 

So Juno got dressed as quietly as he could. He ignored a sleepy voice calling his name. He walked out of the hotel. All the while, the name  _ Peter Nureyev _ felt like it was burning where it was written against his skin. 

Juno Steel listened to the doubt in his mind and did his best to push away everything his heart was telling him. 

As he made his way home, he barely noticed that he was sobbing. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This originally had a happy ending but Cai said 'No'. As always, comments and kudos are appreciated! or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr!


End file.
